GROWING UP...

The more time goes by since I became a mommie, the more I notice things that signify my growning up. For instance, I used to drink, smoke and have other poor habits. I haven't had a cigarette in 2yrs/8mo. I have been drunk, at most...5 times, and that's REALLY PUSHIN' IT! (Just the thought of being hungover TERRIFIES me!)

At some point in life (circa 2004) I became extremely destructive (any prior behavior was with the intention of good times) and would drink myself so far into intoxication, it was amazing the real me ever found its way back. I didn't have a 'drinkng problem', I had a 'coping problem' and lacked any real sign of self-control. Having been through some traumatizing events in my teen years, being your typical insecure young woman, along with a 4yr emotionally abusive relationship, and losing my grandpa (my hero)...saying I had issues would be an understatement.

The best thing that EVER happened to me (aside from anything after this monumental occassion) was getting a DUI. Spending 8hrs alone in a holding cell, and going to the bathroom on camera were more than enough for me. Long story short, I met Stephen and we had AJ LOL

The whole point of this is I have given up any 'bad habits'. All the methods I used to cope with stress, sadness, anger and even happiness in some cases. As a result, I'm uptight and irritable. I'm still trying to find my outlet...until then, I'll keep suckin' it up and puttin' a smile on my face.

BLOGCATION

It seems as though I had taken a blogcation for the last couple months...partly because I don't know what to say, and partly because I've been too busy tweeting! hahahahah It just seems so much easier for me to give little tidbits of my life throughout the day or week. I've been designating more time for AJ and less time for computer, which also plays a key role in the blogcation. And by the time I get him to bed, I'm ready to do NOTHING. Another theory I have, the simplier my life is, the happier I am.

So now that this blogging-hiatus has come to an end...its time to get it together and blog away.

A recent issue has been AJ's birthday...and it seems like this is ALWAYS going to be an issue. Unfortunately for him, he was born during the midst of summer when most people have plans on a regular basis (in my opinion he should be glad he wasn't born on Christmas like Uncle Chris and Tony). Last year, we didn't have a party because my sister was getting married and we all were extremely overwhelmed. We ended up having at least 3 birthday gatherings and AJ came to a point where he asked me when he could have another birthday cake because he had already had 3 different cakes. Although I never grew up having parties or multiple birthday celebrations, as I got older, my birthday turned into a 3-5 day long celebration. I have a celebration with my family, a celebration with one group of friends and a celebration with another group of friends...unfortunately for me, I think there is NO HOPE for either of us! We will just go on living our lives, feeling entitled to multiple birthdays.

In AJ's case, he has a large family on my side, and a large family on his dad's side...and because we don't have our own house of yet...it seems easier to have seperate birthday celebrations. (Note-To-Self: buy a house with a HUGE backyard for large parties) So this is year, it seems like everyone has something going on...and there is no way that I can even attempt to have one gathering! On top of that, certain members of his father's family have no toleration for eachother...let's just say....by the time we are done, he will be well on his way to a week-long birthday celebration.

What's New

So we've had several recent changes in our lives...and if you know me or anything about me --- I HATE CHANGE!!!!!

Stephen has reached one of his goals, getting a new job. He has been trying to get a job with the state for the last year or so, and it's finally worked out! Being the work-horse that he is...he had planned to maintain both jobs but due to scheduling conflicts he was unable to both. It seems like a blessing in disguise, his whole attitude and enthusiasm has returned to his pre-depot-self. (This makes for a very happy mama) He LOVES his job, has normal hours and has set himself up for his future. In his spare time he will start plastering and hopefully turn that into something as well.

Because Steve has new hours, AJ gets a lot more time with him and a lot less time with his Meani. This makes for a very sad AJ and a very sad Meani. The change in routine was so traumatic for me, I was crying Sunday night!!!! For the last 19 months I have been dropping him off at her house Mon-Fri before 8am...I have found a positive to make me feel better MORE SLEEP!!!! :0)

All in all, the changes have been mild and made things better. With the patience I am severely lacking I hope we'll have many more POSITIVE changes in the future! ;0)

NOTE TO SELF...

While I realize its easy to ignore the amount of weight I've gained...but the ignoring has GOT TO STOP!!!

I am putting my foot down to myself...I'm not making anymore excuses and making any attempts to cheat my way to a lower weight. I am finally going to make an effort to get to that goal weight!!! And I'm gonna do it right!!!

I'd love to follow the weight watchers, writing down everything I eat...but I'm just not ready to face that music yet...

To Be Continued...

Catch-Up Sesh --- Round Deuce

The last few weeks have been very busy!!!! A combination of that, and a MAJOR case of MINOR Distractions...

Over the last two weeks we have done the following:

• Participated Brookie and Simon's AMAZING wedding
• Danced with Babiez Daddie (I mostly tell him I cant dance LOL)
• Got sick...TWICE
• AJ learned he can kiss rocky's head
• I made my first MAJOR Hospital SALE --- IVIG $11,815 (we'll see what I actually make)
• AJ pooped in the showie...AGAIN
• The Bad Bunny redeemed himself by bringing AJ a T-Ball Set
• We were BLESSED with Lindsay's presence (my dad's FAVORITE daughter)
• I started reading 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block' and learned AJ IS A NEANDROTHOL
• Had a HEAT WAVE
• Realized how much I can MISS a friend when they are gone...
• Went to Frankie and Alista's Baby Shower

And we have more exciting things to come!!!!

QUICK CATCH-UP SESH...

ohkay, so obviously i have ZERO time for this blogging nonsense these days...why you ask?! i have a little monster who has taken up golfing and baseball, a wedding in two days (not mine obviously) and the daily grind.

let's start with aj'z continued interest in sports. he now has a baseball, soccer ball, basketball and golf club. his love for baseball was amped up when his meani bought his an inflated tball stand, ball and bat and he has been watching the preseason baseball games with his aunti meani and uncle steve for the last week and is now pitching (we are talking adjusting shirt, lifting leg and throwing the ball) and batting (thanks to park with uncle nick). last nite we got him a toddler glove and squishy ball and against papa's wishes, nana also bought him some squishy balls last week to practice his pitching. thanks to his well-rounded family, his teams are angels, white sox, dodgers and yankees. i can say for certain #2 is his favorite yankee...'c'monnn two' was my first hint (derek jeter for those who don't know). he also enjoys watching the pga tour with his papa, and practing his putting with his own toddler-sized iron putter compliments of papa. he has also been fond of basketball and last nite mama and dada got him a regulation-size basketball that he cant get enough of. a couple weeks ago we went to dland and he picked out a nickey (nickey, mickey...it's all the same to aj) mouse soccer ball he has spent some quality time with. although, he was trying to convince me that he needed to take my old soccer ball in the bathtub this evening (i decided against it).

a wedding!!!!!!!!!!! one of my very best friends (i prefer to call her a sister) is getting married friday evening (thank god none of us are catholic) at nixon library. although i'm in the wedding, i haven't had much responsibility...in fact, i don't recall any...except showing up (what a good friend). we have had some unusual rain over the last couple days and the forecast doesn't look too promising. the ceremony is outside with an indoor reception to follow. she has informed me this afternoon that she will not have her ceremony in some boardroom because of the damn rain and they will just have to make the 'i do' quick if it is raining. which means...i will be wearing a floor-length dress, heels and standing in grass...CROSS YOUR FINGERS it clears up before 530p friday.

daily grind. working 40hrs/wk and taking care of aj is a lot more than i bargained for. i hardly have time for things i used to, but i'm definitely more used to it. with the wedding almost out of the way and summer only months away...i am devoting all my afternoons to working out and getting back in shape...let's hope for the best on that one.

one last tidbit for your reading pleasure...aj had a visit to the easter bunny last saturday with rocky...let's just say, it didn't go as planned!!! he got within feet of the bunny and lost his baby mind. he wanted NOTHING to do with him and wouldn't let up the crying until we were out of sight. for the remainder of the evening he referred to the bunny as BAD BUNNY and even woke up in the middle of the night yelling about the BAD BUNNY. like my sister, i am hoping the bunny redeems himself easter morning!!!! :0)

Aunt Dani's House

This evening AJ and I came over to Aunt Dani's house to do her hair for a wedding. I had tried to prep him for his cousin Kobe, telling him that he was a kitty, but not necessarily a kitty AJ should TOUCH! haahahahah!!!! I even went as far as to tell him...Kobe thinks he's a PUPPY!!! I don't think AJ realized I was sorta being serious about him thinking he was a puppy. So we got here and they both FREAKED. AJ was doing his normal nervous/spastic behavior and Kobe was doing his spastic fluttering...it was AWESOME. At one point, Kobe was STALKING his PREY...and his prey would notice right in time to not become what we call 'kitty snacks' hahahhah

Bonding

This afternoon was an especially significant moment of bonding for me. AJ and I had the house to ourselves, and were both feeling rather lazy. We were covered in blankets and cushioned by pillows as we sat on the couch, side-by-side and watched a show on the laptop. He was right there next to me, whispering nonsense in a gentle, kind voice (most of you who know AJ, know gentle and kind are the most unlikely adjectives to describe his voice). He was so happy to be sitting there, just sitting. I was so filled with joy by the moment we were sharing...I must have said 'I love you' a million times in my head. I looked right into his eyes and said it, he responded 'I love you too Mommie'...with a HUGE grin. This is true HAPPINESS.

Getting Bigger and Smarter...and Pushier

AJ is growing up so quickly, everyday brings something new. As I've recently grown to accept, he is a SPUNGE. Luckily for me, my Aunti Meani watches him while we are at work. She plays the closest role as a 'teacher' he can have right now. She reads to him, enforces right from wrong, and gives him the TLC he needs while we are away.

Thanks to the intelligent people AJ is surrounded by...he is already far ahead of what is expected of an 18-month-old little boy. He doesn't just use a few simple words of communication...he is now developing phrases of communication. His first phrase was 'I DONT WANT TO', (anyone who disagrees about this being my KARMA, is CRAZY) and 'I don't know'. He can already associate people with places or things. He sees a red truck and says 'Papa truck', he goes to the salon his Aunti Brookie works at and says 'Brookie, Sally, Anna' (I credit his being at the salon since Day 3 for that), he knows that Nikki is Grammie's dog....it AMAZES me.

Along with all these wonderful words of communication comes his ability to be defiant. Refer back to previous statement --- 'I DONT WANT TO'. Not only does he verbally protest, somewhere along the lines he has learned to PHYSICALLY protest. How he acquired this is so far beyond me, I'm BAFFLED. We don't spank, smack, hit or even flick him. We are very cautious to teach him manners. His form of punishment started with THE CORNER and will REMAIN the corner. So where he picked this up is so far beyond me, I spend hours trying to figure it out. He pushes, he punches and he smacks in protest of not getting his way. This is a learned behavior. I am on the hunt for the 'SOURCE' so I can correct the problem.

In the meantime, I get tougher and he gets a lot of one-on-one time with 'THE CORNER' (this too, MY KARMA)...

18 MONTHS

last week AJ turned 18 months old!!!! we have both grown so much in the last 18 months...it's hard to imagine a time when we weren't together. from the very beginning his presence was known in all of our lives. i remember the first time i felt him partying in my belly, the first time he gave me a good kick, him pushing me with his elbows and knees...and we all couldn't wait to be BLESSED with his presence. he is truly AMAZING, and according to my dad...HE SAVED MY LIFE ( i wouldn't go that far, but he certainly got it under control for me!!!)

OUR new LOVE for READING

anyone who really knows me, knows the last thing i would do in my spare time is READ. after charlotte's web, tales of a 4th grade nothing and island of the blue dolphins, i had little to no interest in any of the required reading that came along with my education (come to think of it, i didn't have much interest in much of anything that had to do with my education) i most certainly didn't MAKE TIME for anything more than teen and seventeen in my younger years and graduated to cosmo, vogue and in style. within the last couple years, mostly since i was pg, i started reading. i read several books while i was pg and once aj came i didnt really have the time. recently with him being able to entertain himself and my looking for a new form of relaxtion i've picked up reading again.

aj too has had a recent increase in his reading (i mostly blame aunt dani) interest. he had tons of books before he even came home from the hospital, but never took any real interest in them. he would look at the cover, but everytime you'd dare to open the book he'd practically have a nervous breakdown (being sick and twisted, i took great pleasure in opening the books)...he now reads to everyday. and if we're LUCKY, he'll read us more than one book instead of the same one over and over.

LEAPS AND BOUNDS...

since our last check-in...we've definitely made MAJOR improvements.

aj has been successfully sleeping in his BIG-BOY BED for TWO WEEKS!!!! and it's AMAZING. i'd like to call it a 'small MIRACLE'. it's great for BOTH OF US. he knows his schedule and knows when he is ready for bed. like his mother, it becomes VERY OBVIOUS when he wants something...we'll say borderline OBSESSIVE (imagine that) and his behaviors are extreme around that time too. he has really gotten used to the whole idea and is even comfortable with me sitting at a distance...(we'll tackle him doing it alone another time). i too have made MAJOR leaps and bounds...making time for ME.

Mama vs Baby AJ

so, about this whole sleeping in his crib NONSENSE...yah, NOT SO MUCH!!!! i went into this whole situation with my new 'enhanced calm' my mom SWORE i 'needed'. knowing me...i'm not exactly what one would call 'calm'. hahahahah we did our usual shower, sagggeeee (massage), nah-nite. i wouldn't exactly call it 'routine'...mostly because it wasn't exactly consistent. i put him in the crimb determined to make him stay. he was standing and pretty much screaming at the top of his little baby lungs (you know, that terrible scream that can make any mother cringe) and i was trying to remain calm. suddenly, he was climbing on the bumper (his aunti dani had already advised at least six months ago that it be removed...i guess i was procrastinating) and i started panicking trying to get the bumper out ASAP. as i made my way to the back of the crib....you guessed it...HE JUMPED! long story short...he slept on the floor that nite because it was the only way i could get him to calm down and remain calm. after calming him down, i worked quickly to get the bumper off and turn the crib into a TODDLER BED. i was a bit apprehensive at first but i had a feeling it was my only option.

when he woke up, i showed him his new bed and spent the first day/nite getting him used to the idea. it was a struggle the first nite, but we established a routine the very next nite. he tells me he is ready for 'nah-nite' as he calls it, he gets a saaaggggeee, crawls into bed, i wrap him into a burrito, he takes his baba and goes to sleep. it's been an entire week of successful sleeping FOR BOTH OF US! he is now so used to his routine that he gets fussy and demands to go bed...

this MIGHT kill me...

tonite i am going to teach aj to GO TO SLEEP IN HIS CRIB. but it MIGHT kill me!!!

last nite we had agreed that we were going to get him to go to sleep ALONE. we decided that making it a joint effort would make it easier. we also decided that we would watch a movie, like we often do when putting him to sleep (this goes with our theory that he shouldnt go to sleep in silence and then he wont expect silence to sleep).

we took a shower (me and aj) and got ready for bed. put the boppi in the crib, we told him we loved him, gave him kissies and put him in the crib. he instantly screamed. we tried to calm him down, told him we loved him and hoped for the BEST.

unfortunately, his dad GAVE IN. i was so irritated i left the room and went to bed...

so tonite, with or without him (babiez daddie)...HE WILL GO TO BED IN HIS CRIB.

GROWING UP...TOGETHER

So...we're growing up...TOGETHER.


I've never really been fond of the whole growing up idea. Then one day...out of nowhere, I proclaimed to my daddie...'when I come back from VEGAS (joint birthday trip, for my 24th birthday on FRIDAY 13TH...it was AWESOME) I am going to be GROWN UP.' 'Sure' he said. So I went to Vegas, came back and went on with life.


About two months later (a little less) I was BLESSED to know I WAS HAVING A BABY!!! I must admit, I was more AFRAID to tell my DADDIE than I was to actually have the baby LOL And if you knew my daddie, YOU WOULD BE AFRAID FOR ME! He was very upset, probably wanted to KILL ME and before I knew it, he couldn't be more EXCITED (his love for babies had gotten the best of him...LUCKY for me).

So here we are...17 months later...GROWING UP....TOGETHER!